School

School is traumatic. When I think about school, I am a pessimist in all realms of existence. The oceans go from salt-water to gasoline. There are no trees in the forests, only large matchsticks. Art becomes a way to waste time, not give it meaning. The words of others sound like junkyard dogs trying to rip out each-other's trachea. I fear my family. I envy my friends. All seems futile as I convince myself that i'm paralyzed in motion... when i'm worrying myself with school. It's always the white elephant in every room I enter. It makes every bite of food feel like gluttony. Every dollar earned feel like greed. Every moment of introspection feel like sloth. When it comes to school, I was programmed wrong and even if I tried to right it, I'd hate myself for it. School turns our abstract minds into the stench seeking antennae of the carpenter ant. It makes us anonymous. It makes us nothing. When we die, we shall be in equilibrium with marbles. Why the fuck would I ever want to be anywhere close to marbles before than? Answer that question, school. I love to learn, but if this learning is in association with school, learning feels like i'm hanging from my bedroom sealing trying to paint my neighbors wall with a five inch paintbrush. I'm an optimist until those who are in charge of me give me the casual reminder "chris, you gotta get some schoolwork done". It is literally the only thing in my life that tortures me anymore. It's the final obstacle. I don't know how to overcome it and although partly wise, the words "Just get it over with" aren't going to change anything.